Recently voted "The person who can't play golf and who you can't afford to buy drinks for"

I was just thirsty ... and it wasn't my fault the golf ball went across at such speed ...

Waiting for the dream of an Angel holding me. Everything in perfect sequence. Like a dance.

mmm Leave me

Leave me here

To find that spark

That never goes away

Leave me here to find my joy

The way I dream it

Love Should Make You Crazy.

Under the surface

So I’ll write my lil love song,
And sing it to the wind.

I wish I was a better woman
I wish I had a better plan with dealing with this.
What am I . . . what am I to do?
Maybe I should run away.
Maybe I can run away and never be found.
What am I . . . what am I to do?

I had this dream the other night.
I had this crazy dream the other night.
Haven’t I . . . Have I arrived here before?

Cause you are
The love of my life.
You are
My heart & soul.
So I’ll just try to keep the world from smashing and crashing in.

But I know you’re gone.
I know you’re leaving me
Behind your dreams, behind your prayers.
What do you think?
What do you want?
What do you . . . love?

I am behind your dreams.
I am on my own now.
What do I seek?
What do I feel?
What do I . . . love?

So I sang my lil lonely song,
And yes I know it’s been calling to you.

A.D. just sent the strangest text just now. It’s like she knew. Maybe something’s gotta give. But thankfully the holidays are coming up and with everyone busy and/or gone, I will go unnoticed. Cause we all know we are not the selfless ppl we lead others to believe. Sure we talk of humanity, charitable acts, ending terrorism, sharing our winning lottery $, but when it comes to actually attentively listening to someone, does any one truly care to do it on their own without prompt and pity? Would they rather ignore it, push it aside, with all its signs and cries for help as long as they keep having their good time? Then when it’s too late, they’re the ones saying, if I only knew, if I only did something when they talked to me. I mean I got paid to show compassion and care at a hospital. If ppl truly cared in such ways, there wouldn’t have been such acts, right? But I know it’s not the ideal society I am speaking of and I am guilty of it too I’m sure. No one likes to address such issues so that’s why ppl like me prolly keep it in.

I don't know anymore

Wait, I forgot . . .

The one I called Father

I dreamt of the person I knew as my father, cause he was not allowed that role while here. He sat at a table with my family, I was a lil girl. I ran to him and just hugged him, crying as I did that one unforgettable day. He held me and it all disappeared. So I woke up in tears and felt different.

Why can't I let go of the grief? How did everyone else? Is it her fault from keeping me from him?

Happiness - The laughs

Smiles

Memories

Promises - All contained within

To scream the anger To Cry the sadness

Gone.
To see you again. . . even if it's not for real.
This is the peace I seek.

Long time. . .

Well, I am back posting in my neglected blog from the advice of someone. And cause mom found last hand-written journal and it was a cause of much concern to the family. Guess I am limited. So, I'm here again and I don't care.

Much to write, much hours of sleep to catch up on tho. But my mind has like fifty millions things to think about in the meantime. My schedule's been messed up cause of work, and I sleep at odd hours and I can't think right. I noticed I laugh easily when I'm sleepy. Last night while at work, everything was absolutely hilarious to me. From tofu being considered a profanity in Southern homes, to comedy movies, to Anne rice, I found it all amusing. Maybe I should starve myself sleep to keep me in a good mood. But for now, I need rest. Tomorrow I get to see the cute lil pit bull puppies once again. Maybe I could even take one home with me. I think I will . . .